Monday, May 02, 2005

Mayoral Debate in a Nutshell

In perhaps the most blatant and pointless display of pandering to date in this election, the three frontrunners for Mayor came forward to courageously advocate the kissing of babies.

Where do the candidates stand on Early Childhood Development?

Castro—We should start something like Head Start.

Hardberger—I invented Head Start. It was my idea from the beginning.

Schubert---My wife’s a schoolteacher. She says kids who start dumb, stay dumb. She says if I don’t fund it she’ll make me sleep on the couch

Where do candidates stand on After School Programs?

Castro--I will spend more money to teach more poor kids how to play video games.

Hardberger--I’m for anything that keeps them off the streets. I’m tired of throwing them in jail.

Schubert--Let them just go to the YMCA for their cake. We need to save our money for potholes.

What are you going to do about the dismal performance of our school children?

Castro---I would call together all the school superintendents and private school dons and ask them to set goals for improvement.

Hardberger---I’ve already done that. I did it last week. You’re going to have to get up pretty early in the morning to head off this old man.

Schubert---It’s not my job. I want to be Mayor. My wife’s the schoolteacher. Besides, what are we paying those superintendents the big bucks for ($200,000-$400,000/year) if Johnny can’t read?

This debate amounted to bleeding heart questions about how politicians feel about kissing babies. Surprise, surprise, no candidate came forward and said “I hate kids.” Schubert seems to like his own kids better than your kids, although sometimes he’s not so sure about his own either.

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